Beautiful day. The sky is a bright blue and there is a calming breeze. Spring is in the air. A season of refreshing and change. As people walk I sit and look at gazing eyes. Its a comfortable feelings.
Being in the city has its perks. However there is something that stirs within my stomach. The bubbling sensation has me grasping and breathing rather rapidly. Have I become nervous? Just yesterday things were great. Having talks with you made me believe that we were cool. Yet as you laid your head against my chest I knew something was wrong.
Motionless you were. When I asked if something was wrong you said nothing. That right there was a indication that something indeed was actually wrong. When I asked again you told me to rest my head and close my eyes. My body was tense and I couldn’t rest.
I wanted to know what was on your mind. How I wish I was a physic or a mind reader but I’m only human. When you said you were tired of my bullshit and felt liked I took advantage of your heart my mouth closed. You were right I liked another woman and you know it all alone.
Confused I became trying to make a falsified truth, it wasn’t working. I had admitted to you my internal thoughts, it wasn’t enough. Become more upset I told you to leave. As you buttoned your white shirt and pull up your blue pants I grabbed your arm. I didn’t want to throw away our history even though bad.
I couldn’t look in your eyes. I completed suicide and you stopped yourself. You know my past experiences and pain. Being that you stayed for so long I knew you couldn’t just walk out on me. You remained by my side that night.
I started to kiss your soft lips. As our bodies became one I knew she wasn’t important. I had forgot about you going into my phone and reading that text message. Sweat and moans consumed us. Love was felt once again yet I knew you had enough.
When it was over our naked body laid there. “I love you,” I said. You repeated the saying.
When I woke you were gone. This would be the last time. Looking down at my phone I saw the text massage. A silent tear fell down my face.
Sitting in the park I remember you. As the wind blows ever so gentle through my body I envision your hands caressing my body. However I throw all that away along time ago…
What is it but a statement of purpose, a word of thought that seems to
continuously flow in my veins, my thoughts burn on these pages. The
flame of my words scorn those who read them, it engulfs there mind,
body, their souls become one with the ways of my language.
Have I forgotten my place as an individual in this world. Dreaded with
evils too much to name but many to become subjected. No I say but what
have we come to feel. Is there feeling anymore? When I touch my face
in the morning it doesn’t occur to me that I am a human being. It is
when I put ink to paper and bleed do I become someone and not
Language is so powerful, yet we abuse it. We cut open human flesh with
our words, we beat, blacken, and bruise with the daggers spoken from
ones lips. If for one minute we didn’t pay attention to the language
of the world that is so full of lies, if for one minute we listened to
ourselves, took ourselves serious there could be a change. Yet we
don’t take the time to look into the mirror.
Are we afraid of the monsters we have become? Are we afraid to look at
that which God has given us, a heart? But what is a heart but a
instrument, a beating drum of flowing red liquid which keeps us alive.
But how can we be alive when we live in a world that is already dead?
Are we really living or just walking dead now? The way we live and the
way we die has become a tragedy, our dreams have become hopeless
reality, we are daydreaming and need to wake up. We cannot sleep no
more. We need to start living for us and not for what we seek. All
that material will wash away and their will be nothing left but you.
So I write this statement of purpose as a means of being truthful.
Don’t let the hate of the world take over your mental, use you brain.
A powerful tool that we forget we have.
Stand and do something and not let those who don’t understand stop
you. Everyone will not like you, but if you respect yourself, they
will have no choice but to respect you.
Evening in the sky is bleak, there are times when at sit at the foot
of my bed and think. Mind temples pulsating, palms of my hand
sweating. What could it be tonight?
At that moment when you left my childhood died. Why did you have to
go? Was I not good enough to be your friend, your everything. Many a
days we would play you would hold me close to you, you would whisper
in my ear lovely things, things about us, things about living.
I was living, you were a part of me, but now, your gone. Today is a
lot more tougher than the others, tonight is the anniversary of our
beginning. We started something and you finished it. How was I to know
that we were racing, how was I to know that my heart was nothing more
than the track shoes you stomped on the pavement with.
You killed what was left of me. My tears are burning through my eyes,
I can’t open. Depression sets in. No longer go I want to enjoy, live,
or write. Veins within my pen have stop flowing, only dust rest above
these pages. Thoughts of ending it all continue to entangle me like a
web, a web in which you created with your lies.
Lies that I thought were truths, truths that were ever so present in
our existence. You changed that night, the night when the moon was at
it brightest when our eyes met for the last time. You said it had to
be done, and so like that it was done. Like a judge you convicted me
of not understanding, but I did.
I did understand, now the Sun won’t shine. Winter nights like this
these blankets don’t help, I need your warmth, you left me cold,
freezing, drowning in a sea of my own anguish, slowly sinking never to
be found again.
Why did you go?