What am I doing, sitting her looking at myself in the reflection of the mirror. Shattered feelings and emotions continue to run through my veins and it hurts me, it hurts that I couldn’t be the dude that was to be your best friend. Yes I fucked up I left you there in the rain without an umbrella to get soaked with all my words, all my false truths. Like a bee I buzzed in your ear lovely things to get you going, yet I abused your body and played with you like a rag doll.
Later on down the line I realized how much you meant to me, it was too late. By this time I had fallen in love with another, you didn’t care for her, you wanted to believe that I had changed, yet I didn’t. Becoming sick to your stomach you threw me up, all the love and emotions went down the toilet, you flushed whatever feelings you had left for me. Was I too blame for lusting you when you yourself were lusting me?
It is a stupid mistake people make confusing love with lust. We know they are not one in the same yet we tell ourselves to believe it is. What we had wasn’t a friendship, it my dear was pure lust and nothing more. We scarred each other, we ripped apart slowly our heart’s skin letting it slowly leak. How was I to know that I would eventually fall for you and have to decide between our friendship and my new found love.
It was a hard decision but I couldn’t lie to you anymore. The secrets became too much, I was playing hide and seek when you already found me. There was nothing more I could say or do to change the topic. You felt used and abused; you felt like a whore, hoe, a slut. No one could ever love you is all that rung in your mind. However after all I did I wanted to love you, but you didn’t want me to. You wanted to diminish all that we had, you wanted to set fire to the rain that crept down you dark black cheeks.
Now you’re there sitting on your bed looking at all the contains I have given you. You thrown them into the closet, you no longer want any pieces of me. Like a paper shredder you start to dispose of it. Was I ever worth your love? Was it even worth trying?
All I wanted to do was be your friend, but I cut a little bit too deep this time.