Veritas Vos Liberabit

My heart is left there sitting in a trashcan empty,

You took the last veins and destroyed it with your words,

Now I think back to how you loved me but your language filthy,

Your touch and caress pleasing and hitting all the right nerves,

Why must you continue to linger in my memories prison cell,

I could still taste and feel your body, tongue, lips pressed,

You said all these things to make my ears rings like a bell,

Now you walk out and you should burn in hell abandoned,

I no longer want to hear your name, you reek of endless lust,

How I have come to hate your style, your grace, your pure disgust,

Every time I see that picture it reminds me of crumbling rust,

Damn it funny what love can do to a heart having such a crush,

You took my all and constantly drove me insane,

Now I cannot stop seeing, hearing, and experiencing the pain.

What the hell is going on, why do I think of you like this, I don’t like how this feels, don’t like how it tastes, I hate the fact that I want to contact you.

There has been too much history between us. All that you have done has tormented my mind, body, my morals are destroyed because I love you, but you stupidly decided that my love wasn’t enough.

Now I sit here looking at your profile and I’m tempted to contact you, tempted to let out all those emotions that have been dreading me, ready to curse your existence as a human being because of what you done, what you continue to do.

Why can I forget about you; I know you probably don’t give a fuck about me, yet I know you still wear that necklace I gave you on your birthday, that bracelet I put slowly around your wrist, hug that teddy bear, and rock that bag I brought you.

Damn you had it all. Was I in a lost world thinking you were truly mines? Maybe I could have been. I’m still tempted to express all the love that you have pushed aside but today will not be that day.

You are no longer worth my thoughts, my dreams. You are a past experience, a past blur that must never be repeated and never looked at again.

But
Why
Am
I
Still
Tempted.

My fellow Americans, my veins bleed of this hate that we continue to endure.

For each time I think of it all I know this is not love but hate that has become our youth.

Each and every day I sit and wonder about where the world is going and I think about this place. This is place that is full of daily lies and false truths which taught me and you how to hate.

There has to be happiness and somewhere that people are embraced but this is not the case.

Our youth continue to smoke and fight each other; there is no love but a continuance of hate.

What has become of my life? What has become of our lives?

When writing this I no longer see a human face but the face of a hateful monster.

There is so much dislike, dreading, and pleading in the world that peace does not exist.

Some much stupidity and ignorance, so much hate that we continue to dismiss our true goals.

When I dream in my bed at night I see richness, I see my people as one in green pastures.

This is another case when I open my window, none of the above stated in shown.

There are so many conversations about liquor and weed, females and sex.

No one wants to talk about the educational system, no one wants to talk about how hate comes.

All this rap music about killing and destroying another, this is nothing more but an ending.

Many words that leak into the minds of our youth about having money and respect this is hate.

All I see are sagging pants and so many girls with babies yet can’t take care of themselves.

What happen to the fun days of youth, the days of summer now lost in a world of hate.

We looking up to Michael Jordan and Lil Wayne but not MLK and JFK, pioneers of reality

Money is more important than smarts they tell me, so are our youth getting brighter through hate.

There is a shortage of fathers, children with no parents start to abusive themselves and lives.

There is a wide spread of drugs and gangs all because of this hate for life, hate for self.

I ask myself, Mr. Esquire H why does this continue to happen? Reality has failed.

It hurts me because I cannot answer my own question, my own existence.

It was assigned for my class that I had to write several different poems, yet I myself am not a poet, I am a writer but what exactly is that but one who puts pen to paper and bleeds his or her thoughts right? Wrong I am more than just a thinker, I am a person with a unique imagination, a unique style, a world in which one must enter thought me internally and not just though physical contact, not through talking, or engaging in speech but though seeing and experiencing this thing I call reality that which is my writing.

See many fail to realize that writing is a piece of one self thus is poetry but why can’t I write it? Why can’t I gather my emotions and let my thoughts just spit out of me like some saliva on the gravel below?  Too many questions and there I stare, it’s beautiful the blank page, White and plain there is nothing more stunning that an untouched page, yet my emotions must tarnish you so I begin to write my poem:

You there baby

I love your sweet caress

Your style

Your breast

Something exotic

That taste I had

Made me want more of you

Yet

When you quenched my thirst

I could not breathe

I was taken over

Taken over by

Your Smile

Your body

Wow

Baby tell me your name

I no longer want to play this game

Chocolate skinned beauty

I lick you feverishly

I’m hungry for you 

Hungry for your everything

Detoxing for your inner walls

Help me

Kick this habit you call

Love…

Apparently I let my veins and brain do the talking but my hands did the walking, I’m not a poet but I am a writer and my voice must continue to be heard like a singer on a stage I will release this energy, I will expose my thoughts, my power of  language that continues to be covered up because someone doesn’t agree, but fuck the nay-sayers, fuck those who don’t want to experience reality, those who don’t want to open their pupils to the existence of this place we call Earth.

We human beings are too blind, fragments of a forgotten past that we have yet to find, History has taught us lessons but yet we repeat the crime, damn I love being a writer but I’m not a poet but then again what is a writer but one who bleeds, bleeds his or her thoughts onto a page, a page, a reality…

Mr. Esquire H…

Yes, your feelings for me are grand and as I understand you I cannot help to feel that you my dear do not understand me. Love is but a four letter word that has been constructed to make people feel a connection to one another, yet we as a society continue to misinterpreted the word, we have screwed it up, we have lost the true sentiment behind it.

I almost fell in love once, and for that moment everything stood still, I could still see her in my dreams, feel her in my thoughts, my veins still flowing with every word she spoke, yet this love that I thought was real was a false advertisement, like a sick puppy I stood there watching her as she toyed with my heart, Why would I want to fall in love again.

This is in no way to offend you, as you my dear are something new to me, when you first came into my life I was scared that I would get too attached, but I soon realized that with each word that you spoke, and every actions that you portrayed I wanted you more; maybe just maybe I was starting to fall in love with you, but then it hit me my heart wasn’t ready to venture down that path once more.

I understand that you told me that after we connected with each other, after me and you met internally, after our bodies became entangled that you would become attached. As I felt differently with this I completely understood your want and need for comfort, your need to have that person that you were beginning to fall in love with near you, but in my heart there was something different. 

I have never fully repaired thus my actions as of late have been that of wanting to be friends, but do I feel that we can be together yes, do I feel that there is a connection between us, yes I do. I love you as an individual and I know you are going crazy over the fact that love has taken over you mental.

Know this what we had that night wasn’t just intercourse, even though it was there was something different, I felt myself not wanting to let you go, I felt myself gripping you closer to me so that you could feel me inside you, I felt exactly what you felt.

Once my heart is restructured I could begin to fall in love, but for the time being I have to work on me and you on you, but I would like us to continue to grow because baby when you are around me I start to see a change in myself, you make me want to be better, become better.

I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong idea, I’m sorry for keeping you up all night crying tears of hate for love, a love that you didn’t fully understand. Let me start to love you because I can fall in love with you.

Love is an ability that has to be obtained and I honestly feel in due time me and you will begin to obtained it.

            I have become tired of the lies and the talking, you call yourself my friend yet you let him take over the friendship. How dare you push me to the side as if I was a neglected toy, you no longer want to give me attention, you no longer want to love me. Seeing you with him makes me sick, you continue to call him your boo yet don’t know shit about him. He makes you feel all girly inside you say but what exactly is that? You yourself are not the type of female to fall for this bullshit, these false words spoken from the mouth. Didn’t you always tell me that actions speak louder than words; I guess this is apparently not the case now.

            You speak of him so highly as if he is the only thing you needed in the world, but yet you use him to your advantage, he is a puppet on your string. He gives you money to help you. Your pockets are depleted and he has the cash to deepen them. How pity are your actions for you call yourself an independent woman; didn’t you just have a job interview?

            I don’t understand you, you there, my friend. You the one I so love and care about; why do you continue to play with my emotions? Why do you continue to play with yourself? Love is something that needs to be obtained yet you have not found it. Yes you have your son and your family, these are the essentials in your life so you tell me; where the hell does he fit in? Why is he important to you? He tells you things and makes you smile, that’s great but what about me? How do I come into the picture?

            I have known you for years and yet you continue to look blindly at my true intentions with you. You continue to say things that are supposed to make me feel better, yet I feel rotten and my stomach is cringing with hate, the hate that I have for you and this fake thing you call a relationship. It troubles me that you cannot be by yourself, you need the SUPPORT of a man, you know exactly what kind of support I’m talking about, that support not from comfort, not from pleasures, but from spending.

            You my dear are not a real woman, a real women doesn’t need the support of a man to take care of their child, they raise that child alone. Do you really know what you doing? I will honestly say I don’t think so. It hurts cause you are my friend but then again what is friendship but a false interpretation, just like this imaginary thing you have with him, maybe I am jealous or maybe I’m just realistic, but you my dear are an impaired human creature that has lost all morals to the realization of what exactly a man is, what a woman is.

            I love you but I cannot continue to let my heart diminish as you continue to play this stupid game with him, if he is more important than me so be it, but remember I will not shun you in the coldest of hours or ever. This just angers me that you have been subjected to this shit, subjected to letting you heart fall for the words of a human being…